


Hopping Mad

by on_the_wing



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Animals, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, F/M, Fluff, I don't know how to judge these things, LeviHan Eggschange, Rabbits, in more than one sense, slightly nsfw
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-10
Updated: 2020-05-10
Packaged: 2021-03-01 23:41:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,986
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23955553
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/on_the_wing/pseuds/on_the_wing
Summary: Levi has a problem. A really big, angry problem. Maybe Hanji can help him solve it?
Relationships: Hange Zoë/Levi, Levi & Eren Yeager, Nanaba/Mike Zacharias (background)
Comments: 15
Kudos: 35





	1. Caught a Lite Sneeze

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the 2020 Levihan Eggschange. I hope you like it, giftee whom I must not name! :)
> 
> I anglicized some of the character names:
> 
> Hanji Zoe: Zoe G. Hanson  
> Mikasa Ackerman: Michaela Ackerman  
> Nanaba: Nan Abbot  
> Pieck Finger: Pia Carter  
> Moblit Berner: Mo Berner  
> Historia Reiss/Krista Lenz: Krista Rice
> 
> Levi is Mikasa’s uncle in this AU—it just seemed simpler. The story doesn't get into it, but Kenny is Levi's older brother and Mikasa's dad.

The basement door always stuck in the early autumn heat, and Levi finally gave up and kicked it open with a bang. He stomped down the stairs to confront the prisoner who was beginning to feel like his jailor. 

“Come on, you stinky bastard, it’s chow time.” Levi cracked open the door of the cage and slid in the bowl, ready to slam the door shut to head off an attack. He paused in surprise when none came. 

Eren crouched in the far corner, ignoring his captor. He didn’t look particularly dangerous, but Levi had learned through painful experience that he was a vicious beast, eager to take a chunk out of anyone who got near him. He was always sulking, but usually there was more scratching and glaring involved. This time the sulk had an ominous quality. A silent, shivery quality. 

He rattled the bowl. “Don’t you want to stuff your stupid face?”

A long shudder ran along Eren’s spine. There was a dark, wet-looking patch on his side.

Levi pulled out his cellphone and reluctantly, as if each keystroke burned him, dialed up the only vet in his area that treated “exotic” animals.

“Michaela, I will fucking kill you,” he muttered for the hundredth time. It was a pathetically obvious bluff: he was far more terrified that his niece would kill _him_ if anything happened to her precious overgrown bunny.


	2. Blood Runs Cold

Mo’s third discreet cough finally pulled Hanji’s attention from her notes. “Dr. Hanson, there’s a new patient that you might want to come see.”

No one else at the practice called her that, but she had long ago given up on getting him to use her first name, or god forbid her nickname. “Ooh, what is it? Is it a lizard? I hope it’s a lizard. Or a python! We haven’t seen one of those in months!”

The vet tech’s poker face cracked for a fraction of a second. “Just come see.”

Hanji chugged the dregs of her lukewarm coffee and jumped up to follow him into the waiting room, where a glorious surprise huddled in its carrier, nearly dwarfing the human sitting behind it.

“A Flemish Giant! Wow! I thought I knew all the giants around here.” What a gorgeous boy, even though he didn’t look too happy. The guy with him was pretty cute too. They were practically the same size, with the same shiny black hair and the same expression of wary indignation. 

“This is Eren,” Mo intoned. “He’s new to the area.” 

“So you stopped by to say hi? I’m just kidding, I can see you’re not having a good time.” She glanced up, remembering the owner. “Hi, I’m Dr. Zoe Hanson, one of the vets.”

“Levi Ackerman,” he muttered. 

“And this is Mo Berner, one of the vet techs. His face always does that, unless it’s doing something else. It probably doesn’t mean anything. But I’m talking too much! Let’s get started!”

She hoisted the carrier and led the owner into an exam room, then opened the carrier door. “Eren, I’m sorry we’ve kept you waiting, but you can finally get out of this thing. Don’t worry—just tell us exactly how you feel.” 

Eren told her he didn’t feel like leaving the carrier. He sat huddled with his back to the door, unmoving. Unfortunately she had to go against his wishes in this instance, so Hanji carefully reached in and picked him up. It wasn’t difficult, but she could immediately feel one thing that was wrong. 

“Eren, have you had a bath?”

“Of course he’s had a bath,” Levi snapped. “I’m not going to let him sit around covered in his own shit.” 

“A full-body bath?”

“What else am I going to do, spray him with peach-scented douche?” He was clearly panicking, poor guy.

“Ah, I see. I know it sounds strange, but we don’t recommend giving rabbits a full-body bath. It can actually scare them to death, or they can break their backs struggling. Also, their fur has a dense undercoat which takes a long time to dry, and they can get all kinds of problems from sitting around with wet fur. It’s like if you jumped in the shower with all your clothes on, toweled off a bit, but then just kept wearing those same wet clothes for days on end. Your outer layers might air-dry soon, but your clothes underneath would stay wet, and you’d be cold, not to mention moldy.”

Levi frowned. “So what am I supposed to do if his butt’s all shitty?”

Hanji gently felt Eren’s sides and examined the lesion on his shoulder. “You can give him a butt bath, either dry or wet. With the dry kind you rub cornstarch into his fur to remove any clumps. With the wet kind you can either hold him upright and get someone to spray the butt area with warm water, or you can put just his back feet and butt into a tub of warm water, and carefully clean it off.” She reached for the thermometer. “How old is Eren?”

“About two and a half years, she said. My niece, I mean.” 

“How long have you had him? There you go buddy, I know that feels strange, but it’s over now.” 

“A couple of weeks. My niece was planning on bringing him to college with her, but at the last moment they told her he was too big, so she dumped him on me.”

“That must be unnerving for you. And for Eren.”

“I guess.” He folded his arms.

“So, what brings you two in today?”

“He’s acting weird. He wouldn’t eat this morning, and the fur on his side looks weird. He’s been scratching it a lot lately.”

“Does he have any health issues that you know of?”

“No, she said he was healthy. And she gave me the info from his last vaccination.” He brandished a printout.

“What do you feed him?”

“I have a bag of the pellets she was using, and I give him greens and carrots. He likes bread, too—Michaela said it’s his favorite.” 

“Aha.” She could see why this bun had needed a bath. “The pellets are ok if they’re good quality, and most greens are fine too, but he also needs as much timothy hay as he can eat. He needs the fiber for good digestion, and it also wears down his teeth so they don’t develop sharp hooks and poke him. A little scrap of bread is okay once in a while, but it’ll give him digestive problems if he eats too much of it, or eats it too often.”

Levi stared into space. “So I’ve been feeding him the wrong things this whole time?”

“Not entirely wrong—you just need to tweak a couple things. I’ll have Mo print out a list. It’ll also tell you where to get good hay and pellets.”

He nodded, face still expressionless.

“Okay. So. I can tell you now that Eren’s temperature was 100.6, which is pretty low for a rabbit. The normal range is between 101.5 and 103. I’m going to take him into the back and we’ll warm him up, and also take a look at his side and get a blood sample to check for creepy crawlies.” She picked up the unresisting Eren, and paused. “I know, taking care of these guys seems pretty complicated when you’re new to it. But you’ll learn.”

“I guess I’ll have to.”

“You know what? You should come to our club meeting Sunday night. It’s for Flemish and Continental Giant owners, and we could help you learn more about how to take care of Eren. Everyone would be super excited to meet you.”

Levi frowned again. 

“I mean, uh, they'll be moderately pleased to meet you, in a dignified and proper way.”

“Do I look dignified and proper to you?”

“Not at all!”

He let out a snort. ”I can’t believe you would saddle yourself with one of these things on purpose.”

“Two, actually! I have a doe named Sunny and a buck named Bean. They’re the best! You’ll love them, everyone does.”

“Hmph. We’ll see about that.” 

“So you’ll come? Great! I’ll see you at my place at 7:00 pm on Sunday.” He didn’t argue, and Hanji took Eren into the back to finish his exam. He really was a lovely boy if you handled him right.

As she’d suspected, the lingering dampness after the bath had caused skin irritation, which had become an infected wound after Eren scratched himself. He was lucky he’d avoided flystrike!

Once Eren was finally warm and dry, she brought him back out to Levi and explained the situation, handing him a tube of antibiotic ointment. His face went still again, but she repeated calmly that the infection wouldn’t become dangerous with the proper care, and that he could always call if he had any questions. Once he started to huff and insist he was fine, Hanji brought him back to the waiting room to check out. 

Just as he was about to leave, she remembered. “Oh Levi--I forgot to give you this!” She scribbled her cell number on a card and held it out to him. 

Levi froze, staring at it as if it might bite him. “I can’t read your stupid chicken scratch,” he said finally.

“Oh whoops, sorry. That’s a six there, and that’s a nine.” 

Behind the desk, Nifa giggled under her breath. She was always giggling, and she would never explain why.

Hanji rewrote her number and address, taking extra care to be legible. “Okay, see you Sunday!”

Levi swung the massive carrier into the air as if it were a light briefcase, and strode out the door, back tense and tendons standing out in his wiry arms.

Hanji turned to her long-suffering tech. “Mo Berner, we are going to turn that man into a giant lover. Mark my words.”

“Are you sure? He doesn’t seem to like his rabbit very much.”

“He’s just nervous—we’ll be gentle with him.” 

“Since when are _you_ gentle?”

Nifa giggled again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I am neither a vet nor a rabbit owner and I got most of my information from a few not-very-deep internet searches, so this story is probably riddled with inaccuracies regarding rabbit care and vet procedures. Please don’t treat it as a source of information!


	3. Rabbit Heart

Hanson met him at the door, lanky and barefoot and unnervingly handsome despite her messy high ponytail, sloppy cargo shorts and goofy grin. You really had to call her handsome, Levi decided. She wasn’t the least bit pretty, but she would make a dashing pirate or knight if you dressed her up. One of Levi’s favorite pastimes was dressing people up in his head. It relieved the pain of looking at what they were actually wearing.

“Levi! You made it!” Hanson swooped in for a hug, then jumped back. “Sorry, I should have asked if you were a hug person. I keep forgetting.” 

He opened his mouth to snap _do I LOOK like a hug person_ , but somehow all that came out was, “Whatever.” It had just become unsettlingly obvious that she wasn’t wearing a bra, and somehow this had clogged his speech gears. He lined up his polished black shoes next to her big scuffed brown ones, and cleared his throat. “I hope I wasn’t supposed to bring Eren.”

“No, of course not! That would be stressful for him, and he’s had enough stress lately. How’s he doing?”

“He’s been scratching a lot less, and he seems to like destroying the basement. I had to pile cinder blocks around the washer and dryer because he was trying to get at the hose.”

“Oh good, I’m glad he has a room to run around in now. A crate really isn’t big enough for him to be sitting around in all day. Does he have any toys?”

“He has a baby rattle and a bell that hangs off the crate. And he had a ball but he was chewing it up, so I took it away.”

“Yeah, they do that sometimes. I can give you an apple branch for him—those are safe to chew. Let me just go find it...” She wandered off and down a hallway, and for lack of anything else to do, Levi followed her as far as the open plan living room-and-kitchen.

“What a shithole,” he muttered. There were books and papers and dirty dishes scattered everywhere, and was that _hay_ on the floor?! 

Five minutes and an inordinate amount of clattering later, Hanson returned brandishing a stick. “Oh gosh Levi, you really don’t have to do that!”

“Yes, I _do_. Your place is filthy.” He waved the dish brush for emphasis.

She blinked, looking around. “Oh yeah, I guess! I was going to clean up before everyone got here, but I forgot.”

“Where’s your broom?”

“It’s in the closet—I think…”

“How the fuck does she survive,” Levi muttered to himself.

“I have good hearing and quick reflexes,” she called back from the hall.

A very faint snort escaped him. “Where is everyone else?” he asked when she came back.

“They’re always late. Nan and Mike have to pick up their kids and feed them, Krista’s always doing overtime, Annie bikes from work…you know how it is. Hey, can I get you anything? Water, juice? I guess this milk’s kind of old…uh, coffee, tea—”

“What kind of tea?”

“The koala tea of mercy. It’s kinda hairy though.”

“What?” Levi’s nostrils flared in disgust. 

“Kidding. The koala tea of mercy is not strained, you know?”

He smacked his forehead with a soapy hand, then quickly wiped it off. 

“But for reals, the tea is in this cabinet over here. I have a lot of different kinds, so you can poke around and pick one.” Hanson leaned in fill the kettle, twisting around to avoid knocking him in the shoulder, and her fingers lit on his arm, faint as butterflies. Levi held his breath. Her throat and jaw stirred restlessly as she continued to talk, and it didn’t help to drop his eyes to her collarbone or the narrowing road of bare skin leading down the neck of her shirt to _uh oh, better not look at that_.

When she finally pulled back he inhaled without thinking, and his lungs swelled with her pungent, slightly oniony scent. It was invasive and offensive and unhygienic, and he had to lock all his muscles to restrain himself from burying his face in her armpit. Instead, he snatched up a half-washed mug and resolutely breathed in the sharp lemony tang of the dish liquid coating its surface. 

“Are you smelling my dishes?” she laughed. “Are you some kind of dish-smelling perv?”

“Your dishes stink. I have to assess the damage.”

“Okay, doc. I hope they can be saved.”

“I doubt it. But I’ll try.” He scrubbed with a fervor that even he knew was unnecessary, and after the dishes were done he grabbed the broom and launched a ferocious attack on the floor. Hanson plucked the shrieking kettle off the stove and set out mugs for each of them, and before she could do something heinous like pour the water in first, he inspected the tea supply and selected the least stale tin of black tea. It was already after 7:20. What was wrong with these people?

Hanson flopped down into an armchair, somehow managing not to spill her tea. “What’s wrong?”

“The soles of your feet. They’re _black_.”

She inspected the foot currently propped up on her knee. “I’d call it more of a charcoal gray.”

“Ugh!” Levi launched himself up and went to the sink to wet some paper towels. He knelt at her feet, which was not the slightest bit suggestive, and grabbed the offending foot to scrub it with the paper towel. Her toes were that weird long kind, like fingers, and they wiggled at him. It was kind of fascinating.

“Eeee! Levi, that tickles! Why do you care so much about my feet, anyway? It’s not like you eat off the floor.”

“It bothers me.” 

“Have you considered…therapy?”

“Have you considered _bathing?_ Or would it give you flystrike?” He’d looked that up at home after she’d mentioned it, and immediately lost a sizeable chunk of his sanity.  
  
“Well, I am pretty hairy, but I don’t have a thick undercoat like a rabbit.”

“So you have no excuse.”

“I take showers! Sometimes.”

“Uh huh. Give me the other foot.”

“You’re awfully bossy.” She didn’t sound displeased. “Do I get a foot rub too, while you’re down there?”

“Maybe if you’d actually washed your feet.”

“You’re washing them right now.”

“This isn’t washing, this is just wiping off the most obvious crust of dirt.”

Hanson stretched. “Do you think I could grow vegetables on the soles of my feet? If I let them get really dirty and just pointed them upward all day?”

“I’m surprised you haven’t done that already.” He let his guilty fingers trail along the outer edge of the sole to cup her heel, slowly stroking the arch in a way that really couldn’t be mistaken for hygiene.

“I could probably manage…um…sprouts. Or wheatgrass. Something with shallow roots.” She was silent for a moment. Was she breathing a little faster?

Levi drew in a deep breath, and very deliberately dropped her foot. He gathered up the paper towels and strode off to wash his hands.

“Hey, do you want to meet Sunny and Bean?”

“Do they bite?”

“Just a little. Only if they get overexcited.”

 _Do **you** bite?_ Levi brushed the thought away. “Fine.”

Hanson vaulted up from the chair. “Great! Sunny’s a bit shy so she might hide, but Bean loves people. They usually hang out around the house but I put them in their den for club meetings, because that can be a little overwhelming for them.”

She led him to what should have been a bedroom but was now a stinking giants’ lair, strewn with toys, loose bits of hay, and cardboard boxes. 

A brownish giant flolloped up to Hanson, and she crouched down to pet it. “This is Bean. Bean, this is Levi. He’s a little nervous, so be nice to him.”

“I’m not scared of a _rabbit_.”

“I know! It’s just a little social anxiety because you’re not used to them.” The monstrous thing sniffed at Levi’s socks, and he was suddenly even more glad he’d kept them on. “Do you want to pet him?”

“Do I have to?”

“Of course not. I’m just encouraging you in case you feel shy.”

“I’m not _shy_.” To prove it, he crouched down and lifted a hand in the rabbit’s general direction. 

“That’s good! You should always ask a rabbit if they want to be petted.”

“Where do I do it?”

Bean shoved his head into Levi’s hand and stretched his front paws forward in a little bow.

“He’s telling you. Different rabbits have different preferences, but in general most of them like the face and ears. Do you pet Eren much?”

“He doesn’t seem to want me to.” Levi ran a tentative hand over the rabbit’s flattened ears. It seemed weird that this was acceptable—he certainly wouldn't want someone pawing at _his_ ears. Nibbling, of course, was a different story.

“I’m sure he’ll get there once he gets used to you.” She looked up at a twitching yellowish nose poking out of a hole in a cardboard box. “Hi Sunny! This is Levi. You probably heard me introduce him earlier.” 

Sunny’s blonde head emerged, and her round brown eye stared into Levi’s soul for a moment before disappearing back into the box. 

The doorbell rang. “Oh good, they’re starting to get here! You can stay in here as long as you want—just close the door on your way out. Sunny feels better when she can shut people out.” She climbed to her feet and disappeared down the hall.

“I don’t blame you,” Levi told Sunny.

Bean nudged his hand again.

—

It was another twenty minutes before everyone showed up. Levi managed to spend most of it in the rabbits’ den, but eventually he figured he’d better make an appearance. 

There were eight people in total: four short blondes that he was never going to be able to tell apart, one huge hulking blond that looked like a rough-hewn version of his boss (and erstwhile fling) Erwin, one cheerful brunette who swung in on crutches, Hanson, and himself. There wasn’t quite enough seating and somehow he ended up squashed next to Hanson on the sofa, a circumstance that he would almost like the idea of if there weren’t all these people around.

Hanson sat up from her slouch and began. “Welcome to the weekly meeting of the Titans of Bundustry.” 

“I still think we should have called it Buns of Steel,” muttered a tiny blonde with an aggressively beaky nose.

“But not everyone has steel gray rabbits,” another blonde protested. 

“Okay, Krispy Rice.” Levi decided he liked this one.

“Annie, _please_ don’t call me that!”

“As I was saying,” Hanson drawled, “we are the Titans of Bundustry, a club dedicated to the care and obsequious worship of giant rabbits.”

“And Marco,” added the brunette.

“Yes, Marco goes without saying. He’s a Tan, not a giant, but we all love him,” she added to Levi. “Armin can show you pictures later. Since we have a new person, we’ll go around first and introduce ourselves and our rabbits. I’m Hanji, or Zoe if you want to be formal. My rabbits are Sunny, who’s a fawn Flemish doe, and Bean, who’s a sandy Flemish buck.” 

The blond on her other side spoke next. “I’m Armin, and my rabbits are Marco, like Hanji said, and Jean, who’s a sandy Flemish.”

“I’m Annie, and my rabbits are Bert and Reiner. Bert’s a blue Continental and Reiner’s a steel gray Continental.”

“I’m _Krista_ Rice, and my rabbit is Ymir. She’s a steel gray Continental.”

“I’m Pia Carter,” said the dark-haired woman lounging on the floor, “and my rabbits are Gabi and Falco. Gabi’s a black Continental doe and Falco’s a light gray Continental buck.”

“I’m Nan Abbot,” said the last short blonde, “and this is my partner Mike. We have a white Continental named Zeke. And his sister Yelena, who’s a cat.”

Everyone looked at Levi, and he realized it was his turn. “Levi. I have a black Flemish named Eren. He was my niece’s, but I had to take him when she went to college.”

“Oh no!” gasped Krista. “It must be so hard for them being separated like that.”

“She could’ve gone to school around _here_ ,” said Annie, folding her arms. 

“Maybe she only got good financial aid somewhere else,” Armin offered.

Mike grunted dubiously, and Nan sniffed. “There are two public universities and three community colleges in the area.” 

Levi opened his mouth to inform them they were all crazy, but Hanji (weird nickname!) headed him off at the pass. “She thought they were going to let her bring Eren to school, but they told her no at the last moment, so she had to make other arrangements.”

“She lives four hours away, anyway,” Levi told them. “I’m sure Hanji would already have her claws in her if she lived around here.”

Some of them frowned at him, but Hanji just laughed and patted his knee. “Good point! I certainly would have.”

Pia’s eyes followed the motion of her hand and swept up to Levi’s face, and the corner of her mouth twitched slightly. 

“So, tonight Krista has prepared a report for us on rabbit body language. And after that, I thought we could see if Levi has any questions for the group, since he’s a new rabbit owner. Are you ready, Krista?”

Krista opened a notebook and cleared her throat. “Rabbits are highly social, so their behaviors and language are complex. The most important thing to know about them is…”

\--

“So how’d it go for you?” Hanji asked him as they cleaned up the debris.

“The earth moved,” Levi deadpanned.

“Hahaha! Meetings are very exciting, I have to admit. It can get a little heated sometimes.”

“Those people are all nuts.”

“What can I say? Love makes you crazy.”

“Hmph.” After a minute, he asked, “What does Hanji mean?”

“Well, technically it’s a type of Korean paper made from mulberry bark, and it also means yes in Punjabi, but I got it from the little sister of one of my friends in elementary school. I told her my name was Zoe G. Hanson, and she scrambled it up to make different names like Zanson and Sonzo and Hanji. I liked Hanji the best, so she started calling me that, and then I sort of forced it on everyone who would listen to me.”

 _What a surprise._ “Did many people listen?”

“Not at first, but it was easier when I met new people and I could introduce myself that way. I usually use my real name with clients though—it’s less confusing.”

Levi worked much more slowly than usual, but within a few minutes the dishes were washed and the crumbs were cleared away, and he had no more excuses to stay. Why did he want to stay, anyway? “I’d better be going now.”

“Okay. I’m glad you came! Next week it’s going to be at Nan and Mike’s house, by the way. We rotate so we can visit different rabbits each time. You don’t have to host though if Eren isn’t feeling up to visitors.”

“It’s more that the visitors aren’t up to _him._ ”

“Aww, I’m sure he’ll calm down once you start spending more time with him. He was very well-behaved with me. And a raisin or two won’t hurt, either.”

“We’ll see.” He put his shoes back on, and paused.

“Oh! Don’t forget the apple branch!” Hanji snatched it off the table and hurried over.

Levi took it, and there was a weird moment where they glanced down at the place where their hands would have touched if this were a movie. “Thanks,” he muttered.

“No problem! Do, um. Do you want me to come over sometime and look at your setup? I could give you some tips.” 

He thought. “I have a class tomorrow night, but I’m free Tuesday.” _Fuck. Stop acting so eager._

“Oh, are you taking night classes?”

“I teach it. It’s a self-defense class.”

“Ooh, neat! I’ve always wanted to check out one of those.”

Levi shrugged. “It’s $10 at the Unitarian church on Walnut.” The thought occurred to him that it might be satisfying to meet her on _his_ territory for a change.

“Cool. I have a shift tomorrow night, but maybe I’ll drop in sometime.”

He nodded, and they stood looking at each other for a moment.

“Okay,” Hanji said finally. “Uh, good night.” She made an awkward little lunge but stopped halfway, and before he could think, Levi stepped forward and brought his free arm up around her, resting his hand on the middle of her back.

Her skin was warm through the thin shirt, and her cheek pressed gently against his. He didn’t dare breathe. As they released each other, his face turned slightly toward hers, and he felt her breath on his lips. For a fraction of a second, they hesitated.

Levi fled to his car.

__

For some reason he went down to see Eren when he got home. “Hey. Brat.”

Eren quickly backed out from behind the dryer, eyeing him suspiciously.

“Here, have a stick. The vet said it’s good for your stupid teeth.” He sank down onto the floor, back to the wall, and slid the stick across the floor in the rabbit’s general direction.

Eren’s nose twitched. He hopped casually over to his crate, one ear turned toward Levi and one toward the stick. He made a show of sniffing the floor for a minute, then shuffled closer. The stick failed to rear up and bite him, and after a moment he gave it an exploratory nibble.

Levi wrapped his arms around his knees and leaned his head back. “She’s crazy. Almost as crazy as you. They’re all crazy.”

He was answered only by the gnawing of rabbit teeth.


	4. Trustful Hands

Even without the street number, it was obvious which rowhouse belonged to Levi. It was the only one with no dead leaves or debris in the little strip of lawn and sidewalk in front of it. It couldn’t boast the riot of multicolored flowers or defiant gangling vegetables that crowded some of the other yards, but it had a few demure, well-kept bushes and a neatly-swept porch with cast aluminum chairs and table. An alleyway to the side left one wall free to sprout the windows that probably kept the house sunnier inside than most rowhouses. 

Hanji took a deep breath, adjusted the shallow plastic bin under her arm, and rang the doorbell. She shouldn’t be nervous. There was no need to be nervous. She was just making an unofficial house call.

Levi opened the door so quickly that she wondered if he’d been lurking inside watching her.

“Hello!” she said. “I brought Eren some things, if that’s okay.”

He glanced down into the bin and gave her a slight nod, then stepped back into the house. “Take your shoes off.”

Hanji couldn’t help imagining that sentence with a different noun. “My feet are clean this time,” she said hopefully, wiggling her sock-clad toes.

Levi gave her a dubious side eye. “I would hope so.”

They proceeded somewhat awkwardly into the kitchen. “Tea?” he asked.

“Sure, thanks.” 

He turned away to fill the electric kettle, and she took the opportunity to inspect the kitchen. It was small, tidy and organized, but not as spartan as she might have imagined if kitchen furnishings were the sort of thing she tended to imagine, which they weren’t. There were cheerful patterned dish towels and an apron hanging on the wall, and a pitcher of black-eyed susans rested on a honey-and-cream plaid tablecloth. Not surprisingly, a formidable army of tea tins stood at attention on a prominent shelf. Assam, Ceylon, Darjeeling, Earl Grey, English Breakfast…of _course_ they were alphabetized.

“Are these all black tea?” Hanji asked.

“Yes. I don’t fuck around with that green shit. Or the white shit.”

“What about herbal tea?”

“That’s not tea. That’s leaf soup.”

“Do you like leaf soup?”

He folded his muscular arms and scowled. “Do I look like someone who enjoys leaf soup?”

“I don’t know, what do those people look like?”

“Not me.”

“So when you have a stomachache, you pour yourself a nice strong cup of…Irish Breakfast?”

“Why wouldn’t I?”

“Do you at least put milk in it?”

He glanced away. “Only when I have a stomachache. So, what kind do you want?”

Hanji studied the shelf. “I have the feeling this might be a test.”

“Maybe.”

“Clearly you approve of all of these, though, or you wouldn’t keep them out on display. This isn’t your tea drawer of secret shame. So there should be no wrong answer.”

Levi snorted. “Maybe I just like the tins. Maybe I only drink one kind.”

“Hmm. That does sound like a possibility, given your purism.” She scanned the shelf again. “Another possibility is that these are _all_ the wrong answer, and the tea you actually drink is locked up somewhere, so tasteful burglars and tasteless guests don’t get their hands on it.”

“That could be. So what’s your choice?”

Hanji narrowed her eyes. “I’m going to flush you out. I choose… _Lapsang Souchang._ ”

“All right.” He reached for the tin.

“What?! You couldn’t possibly like Lapsang Souchang. It tastes like barbecue sauce.”

“Not if you don’t put sugar in it.” He paused. “So does that mean you don’t want it?”

“I like barbecue sauce.”

“Figures.” Levi poured water into the teapot and swirled it around. He poured it out into the sink, which was confusing but she forgot to say anything because she was watching his hands. She watched them scoop tea into some kind of metal strainer and place it in the teapot, then pour more water in. He then set a timer for 3 minutes. 

There was a long silence, and when he looked up at her the pressure became too much to bear. “What is it that you like about black tea?” she blurted out. 

“It’s the best kind.”

“But what makes it the best kind?”

“It’s good and the others are shit.”

She sneaked a sideways glance. Was he deliberately yanking her chain? It was impossible to tell. “What’s your favorite kind of black tea?”

He stared into the distance. “All of them.”

“Really?”

“All the kinds that aren’t shit.” 

“What kinds are shit?”

“Anything with fake flavorings added in. And Lady Grey. Lady Grey is bullshit. I would still drink it though.”

“I don’t think I’ve heard of that kind.”

“It’s some crap that came out in the 90s because Norwegians couldn’t take real tea. Like Earl Grey but watered down, with lemon and orange peel.”

“I wonder if Nordic tea markets change seasonally. You know, because the length of their nights and days varies so much.”

Levi shrugged. 

The eons stretched on. Hanji wasn’t used to groping for topics to fill the silence; usually the topics leaped up and grabbed her by the throat until she talked about them. 

Finally the timer went off, and Levi poured the tea. When he handed over her cup (with a saucer and everything!) neither of them even tried to keep their fingers from brushing. It was inevitable, an agonizing relief, like walking on carpet in the winter and reaching for the doorknob you knew would shock you. Hanji was proud of herself for not dropping the saucer.

She was hoping that they could bring their tea down to the basement with them, but Levi sat down at the table with his and it was clearly going to be another waiting game. At least they had something to occupy their hands and mouths _don’t think about what we could be doing with our hands and mouths_. She stared into the depths of her barbecue sauce tea and tried to read her future. A thought bubbled up: _if we kissed, our mouths would taste the same_. 

Hanji had no secrets from her rabbits and she’d very much wanted to talk to them about Levi, but given that she’d had them neutered, it seemed inconsiderate to flaunt her own intact mating urges. Pia had wanted to dish about him, but Hanji had ignored her texts. She'd finally given up and decided to confide in her vibrator, thinking about the exquisite slow touch of his hands on her feet, the tense, searching feel of his body by the door…and all the other things he could have done on his knees. The thoughts rushed back to her one by one, like eager dogs fetching tennis balls she hadn’t thrown.

She tried to match Levi’s slow drinking pace, but finished first, trying without success to get a covert glimpse into his cup. The cup that he held in his hands. The cup that kept touching his lips. The cup containing the same tea that lingered in her mouth. It was very difficult not to stare, and she shoved her hands in her pockets to keep them from fidgeting.

“Yo,” said Levi, setting his cup down. “Let’s go see Eren.”

She leaped up too fast, and he reached for her cup just as she did. This time the contact was a surprise, and they both flinched. He set the dishes in the sink, and belatedly Hanji realized that she could have been showing him the rabbit toys this whole time. She picked up the bin and followed him down the stairs.

—

The basement—as you would expect of Levi—was the dry, neat kind. It was almost empty except for the laundry machines, a couple of partially-destroyed hay bales, a few metal shelves stacked with boxes, and Eren’s crate, dishes, and litter box. The apple branch lay in the middle of the floor, already sporting the marks of Eren's teeth.

“Yo, brat,” Levi called out. “Get out from there. You have a guest.” He picked up the stick and sat down on the floor, back to the wall. Hanji sat down a few inches away, setting the bin in front of her.

Eren, who was doing his best to knock down the cinder block wall blocking his access to the back of the washer, turned and hopped slowly toward them. About halfway over, he paused, eyeing Hanji with suspicion. 

“Hi, Eren. It’s good to see you again! I promise, no needles this time.” She held up her empty hands.

Levi tapped the stick on the floor, and finally Eren came over and gave it a half-hearted nibble, one eye and one ear still on Hanji. “We played tug of war with it yesterday,” he reported.

“Oh wow, that’s great! Just make sure you’re gentle and don’t shake him around. I actually brought something else you could use for that…” She reached into the box and pulled out the knotted rope toy. 

“Try giving it to him yourself,” Levi said. “Maybe then he’ll know your intentions are peaceful.”

“Good idea.” She held the rope toy out toward Eren. “Would you like this? It’s very chewy. I would chew on it myself, but I don’t like getting string stuck between my teeth.”

Levi snorted.

Eren thought for a moment, then approached the offering. She laid it down in front of him, and he sniffed it, ears swiveling forward. He then slithered over the wall of the bin to inspect its contents, muttering to himself as some rabbits do.

“You can fill the bin with shredded paper or hay so it’s like a sandbox, and maybe hide a toy or treat at the bottom,” Hanji told Levi. “Rabbits love to dig.”

“Can you use actual sand?”

“It’s possible, and they do dig in it in the wild, but it can have dust and parasites and other nasty stuff in it. If you do decide to get some, make sure it’s labeled child-safe.” 

He nodded, then leaned toward her to get a look in the bin. “What else is in there?”

“Let’s see…” She tried not to think about how close he was. “A couple more apple branches. A woven willow ball.” She fished it out and handed it to him, and he hefted it experimentally in his hand before setting it on the floor. “He can chew on it and push it around. A paper towel tube—same. And a wooden puzzle toy that you can hide treats or food pellets in.” 

Eren sat up, looked at Hanji, and hopped out of the bin towards her. She held out her hand and he nudged it. “Were those presents acceptable?” she asked him, carefully stroking the top of his head. “I guess they must have been. I’ve been granted permission to groom you. A great honor.” To Levi, she said, “His side looks much better.”

“Good. I thought it did.”

After a minute or so Eren turned away and approached Levi, pushing into his outstretched hand for pats. “He’s never done this before,” Levi said after a moment.

“See what a little bribery can accomplish?” Her laughter sounded raucous and overly loud inside her own head. 

He snorted again.

Eren soon tired of human interaction and decided to roll the paper towel tube into the corner, where he parked himself to watch them and chew.

“How does he handle the laundry machines?” Hanji asked.

Levi shot her a sideways glance. “I usually do the laundry myself.”

She burst out laughing again, swatting his knee. “You know what I mean!”

“He seems to like the rumbling. I wouldn’t have expected that. He also loves to watch the clothes spinning around in the dryer.”

“That’s great!” She shifted to lean on the hand nearest him. “Not everybody likes all that noise and commotion.”  
  
Levi looked at her as if he were searching her face for something. He opened his mouth, closed it, and looked away.

“Hm?”

He took a deep breath, then turned toward her and raised a tentative hand.

Hanji inhaled sharply, eyes widening. 

Levi quickly snatched the hand back, jerking his face away. “Sorry.”

“Wait! No! Do it again!” She scooched closer.

He turned toward her again, face red, and lifted his hand. Hanji pushed her shoulder into his palm, and his fingers curled around it, rubbing gently. They moved down her upper arm, felt the shape of her elbow, warmed her forearm. She turned it over so he could trace the vein in her arm down to her wrist and press his palm against hers. She laid her other hand on his chest, and his heart drummed under her fingers.

Levi swallowed.

Hanji couldn’t wait any longer. She pulled him close, and in one fluid motion he straddled her, bringing his face a little above hers. She leaned in and pressed her lips to the corner of his mouth, holding still, feeling the quick light puffs of his breath on her skin. 

His face turned slowly, and then their lips were meeting full on, nudging each other once, twice, three and four and five times, until she let out a low desperate sound and clutched at the back of his head. The dark smoky taste of the tea was the same in his mouth as it was in hers, just as she’d thought.

Shirts suddenly became the most annoying things in the world. Why did people wear them, anyway? And why, especially, did _some_ people tuck the ends into their pants so that you couldn’t just casually slip a hand up under them?

Levi grabbed her wrist and broke off, panting. “Not in front of the brat.”

“Oh.” She twisted around. “Sorry, Eren.”

Eren munched on the paper tube as if it were popcorn.

Levi tugged her to her feet. “Upstairs?”

Hanji grinned. “Are you impatient?”

“Yes.”

She stole one more deep, smoky, luxurious kiss. “Let’s go, then.”


End file.
